How to Outsmart a Narcissist: 8 Psychological Tricks That Actually Work

Do you want to know how to outsmart a narcissist? Is it possible to beat them at their own game? Should you even try?

Narcissists are master manipulators and have been playing mind games since they were children. They know all the tricks, and they cheat. Outsmarting a narcissist is like entering the Olympics with no training and expecting a gold medal.

Some say trying to outsmart a person with no limits or morals is pointless and opt for the Gray Rock method of no contact. Others suggest that living a happy and fulfilled life is your best revenge. For some, this passive approach isn’t equivalent to the pain suffered. If you’re up to the challenge, here are eight ways you can get your own back.

8 Ways to Outsmart a Narcissist

1. Make digs about something they’re insecure about

Self-esteem is a reflection of our self-perception. It’s linked to what we think of ourselves. For many of us, self-esteem comes from within, but narcissists obtain theirs externally.

Narcissists need other people to boost and maintain their esteem. You can, therefore, manipulate their preoccupation with appearance, social standing, which will affect their self-esteem.

Damage their self-esteem by finding something they’re insecure about. For example, perhaps they don’t like their nose. Keep staring at it. When they ask what’s up, say “Yeah, it is crooked isn’t it?” Make sure you keep mentioning it.

2. Be as dull as dishwater

To make narcissists lose interest, be the most boring person imaginable. Narcissists are reward-sensitive, which means they’re constantly searching for their next dopamine rush. These types like instant gratification, which is why they engage in impulsive and risky behaviors.

This explains a narcissist’s use of love bombing, where they bombard their latest victim with attention, love and gifts, only to discard them weeks later. Remember, it wasn’t your sparkling personality that infatuated them; you were new and shiny. In future, be dull, bland, and uninspiring.

3. Cut them off financially

Not only do narcissists depend on others for their self-esteem and image, they often use them financially. The problem is that although they feel entitled to the best things in life, they’re lazy. They’re not prepared to put the effort in.

Instead, they feed off others, like you. To them, you are not a loving partner, you’re someone to be exploited, used, and sucked dry until there’s nothing left.

This parasite will happily blow through your savings, contribute nothing, leave you destitute and walk away as if it’s another day at the office. If you want to know how to outsmart a narcissist, cut them off financially, but rub their faces in it.

For example, your narc is whining about being hungry but has no food in the house. You send them a picture of the takeout you’ve just ordered and tell them how delicious it tastes.

4. Give them false information

Narcissists use gaslighting to destroy your confidence and self-belief. You doubt yourself, and this makes you an easy target for manipulation. Outsmart them by using their own tactics.

Here are examples I found on Reddit:

A narc boss wanted a female worker out of the company, so she started giving her impossible tasks and deadlines to push her into leaving. The worker wanted to leave, but with a decent severance package. She pretended to want the opposite of whatever her boss suggested and even threw in some red herrings. The narc boss took the bait, and the worker left with everything she wanted.

A narc boyfriend would always lie to his girlfriend about how her friends badmouthed her to him behind her back. So she made up a name of a new boyfriend to see what would happen. Two days later, he told her about messages her new boyfriend sent him saying things about her. The look on his face when she said, “Oh, that’s funny because he doesn’t even exist.”

5. Get evidence and challenge their outrageous claims

Status and social hierarchy consume the narcissist. They see themselves as superior to others in all aspects of life. Narcissists have an unrealistic, positive, over-inflated view of themselves.

For example, they think their intellect is superior, even though it’s not, they believe they’re incredibly attractive, even though they’re average-looking, they tell people they have a top position in a multi-billion company, even though they work in the canteen, and so on.

If you want to know how to outsmart a narcissist, use the truth. Get undeniable facts that cannot be challenged. For instance, if they lie about going to a prestigious college, show them their yearbook from the local university. Get irrefutable evidence that they cannot question.

6. React in the opposite way they expect

Why do narcissists make so much effort to demean those around them? It’s that status thing again. When confronted with a competitor, it’s easier for narcissists to demean that competitor, rather than rely on their own qualifications or reputation, which are false and self-constructed.

Demeaning is damaging and decreases that competitor’s status. That’s why narcissists insult you or joke about you or say hurtful things to you.

Take the wind from their sails by agreeing or exaggerating their comments. For instance, if they call you stupid, just say “Doh!”

7. Draw them in, then dump them

I can tell you how to outsmart a narcissist if you’re willing to play the long game. To really teach them a lesson, draw them in. Play them at their own game. So, be suitably impressed with them. Wow at their achievements, hang off their every word, flatter them, woo them, idolize them.

What’s the purpose? To become their most important narcissistic supply; the person they always fall back on, their absolute sure thing. Then, when they need you, crush them with silence, disinterest, and couldn’t care a less attitude. Watch them scrabble for the comfort you always provided.

8. Train yourself not to care

If playing the long game takes up too much energy and mental agility, teach yourself not to care. Once you stop caring about your narc, everything else just falls by the wayside.

Their accusations, screaming fits and nonsensical word salads are just water off a duck’s water. You don’t spend hours deciphering their coded messages or worrying about calling out their behavior because you don’t care.

Not caring frees you from bullshit, lies, and manipulation. You’re outside the claustrophobic narcissist’s world and now you see objectively. Not caring means you don’t get caught up in the drama and the imaginary scenarios.

Final Thoughts

It’s common to feel a lack of closure when relationships end with a narcissist or a sense of injustice when dealing with one. While it’s impossible to get to the truth or receive that admission of guilt from a narcissist, it is possible to play them at their own game and outsmart them.